I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
