i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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