my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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