Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
