hotel room ftw
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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