No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
