WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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