peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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