While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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