You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
