Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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