Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
