im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
