Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
