She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
