That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
