So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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