when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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