I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
