I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
