Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
a search helicopter?!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
