reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dicks are not precious.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
