it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
