someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
