Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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