i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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