I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
