trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
