Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She announced her abortion via fbk
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
