When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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