The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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