let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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