Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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