I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
