At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Girls should come with a carfax report
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
