I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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