Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Also, beer. Big fan.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
