I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
