You really coming over, don't trick.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
