The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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