like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
