Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
