bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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