I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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