my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
