I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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