Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
