eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. š
I need advice on ways to politely say āfuck you on your way to hellā.
Randomize
