D3 body, D1 cock
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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