and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
