had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i think im in europe. pls send help
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
