i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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